Monday, November 03, 2014

Day 3 - Dreams - 30 days of Gratitude - in pictures

I had many dreams of what I would be when I was growing up. One was being a decorator. I would even make doll house out of cardboard boxes, creating walls, doorways and windows, making sure the floor plan was usable. I would draw furniture in each of the rooms. My sister would then ask for the finished product so she could play with it with her dolls. Pretty much the only time in our young lives I didn't care she wanted something that was mine (such are the feelings of an older sister). I gladly gave them to her, because the joy was in the designing. I wanted to go to an art school to study interior design, but my father insisted on a four-year liberal arts degree. I would be more marketable he thought.  He died after my first year of college, but I continued with his advice. Because, pleasing a dead man makes so much sense, no? I majored in creative writing and minored in history (completely and totally NOT marketable).   One of my other dreams was to be a writer. The problem was and still is, is that I'm mediocre at best and didn't have the discipline to make writing a career.  But let me tell ya, it was a fun major to have. I got married, worked job to job, not very fulfilled. Then had babies. 

Another dream -- being a mom. I love love being a mom. I love parenting. As much as I complain about it, I don't mind the numbing-tiredness that parenting can be at times. I love my children with all my heart and love the men they are becoming - metaphorical warts and all. When the kids were older, I needed to think of a career, one that would be fulfilling, one that would tap into the caring person my children taught me to be, one that would give back. I thought about teacher, because how much fun would it be to inspire kids to want to write and read and have wonderful discussion about great works and newly discovered authors. Yeah, I'm an idealist. I also thought about nursing. Nursing won out, I enjoy the science of health, I think the nursing ideal of loving care of those who are in need fits right in with my personality. It was hard, nursing school was hell (seriously, if Dante actually went to nursing school, this would be the closest ring to Satan himself). But it was all worth it.  Nursing was a newer dream, but one of the hardest to achieve and I'm proud of the work I've done to get here. I also get to add teaching back in as I volunteer to precept, speak at nursing schools, mentor and encourage new nurses. I also do a lot of patient nursing was a great choice, even if I'm not discussing great works and encouraging writing (although, I do talk to patients about the books they have on their bedside tables and have had great discussions about books and authors).
I haven't given up my dreams on decorating and designing. I just use my own house as my canvas and once in awhile my friends will ask for my advice and I gladly and enthusiastically give it to them, sometimes with swatches. I, and I can't believe I'm admitting this, am starting to write a novel. I'm not sure how good it'll be, or what will come of it....but if I don't try, I'll never know.

That's the thing about dreams, the first step is the hardest, but once you take that first step you are that much closer at achieving whatever it is you dream.

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