Friday, November 30, 2007

Cool know thyself test
I'm a benevolent creator...doesn't that just sound yummy?

Monday, November 26, 2007

Why I'm becoming a nurse

I'm up ridiculously early to write a paper for my clinicals today. We had to write about our 'journey' in becoming a I figured I would blog it:

Journey Paper

How does one write a paper about the emotional path in a decision to become a nurse and describing experiences relating to that decision thus far? It’s been such a roller-coaster, kaleidoscope, mind blowing, confusing, focused, humbling and confidence growing experience, almost impossible to put into words, even for me, who can talk and talk and talk. As with most stories, good or bad, I’ll start at the beginning.
My husband lost his job during the whole dot-commer crash. My perfect housewife, stay at home mom, a position I loved, also was jeopardized by what happened to my husband’s job. It was at that moment I realized I needed some kind of career to rely on. I had no skills, my bachelor’s was in English, with a History minor, I was qualified to make great small talk at company meetings or flip burgers at McDonalds, neither of which was going to help our family in a financial crunch. I needed to get something lucrative that still fit into my role of being a mommy and wife, the two positions that are most important to me. I also wanted to be a good example for my children. This is what went into making my decision to even think about moving out of my cushy life into something else I don’t want to say “move forward” here, implying that being a mother and housewife is not fulfilling or enough, I just wanted another dimension to my life. The two career paths I thought of were nursing and teaching. Nursing, frankly, was the more terrifying of the two (see bachelor choice above). Having had good nurses who were inspirational and bad nurses who made me realize, ‘wow, if she can do it, I can” and having seen some of the women in my life give birth, other people in my life dying or being sick, I realized how wonderful it would be to be a part of someone’s life in a caretaker role, however briefly, in some of the most intense, precious, scary moments of his or her life. I called around, looked at programs and started taking prerequisite courses at Arapahoe Community College. I took some courses here and there starting about five and half years ago and three and a half years ago I got on the wait list. Toward the end of the wait list I waffled and even started investigating a master’s program in teaching and then, I got the letter. It was kind of a “God” moment. Here I was waffling between two decisions that would fit my criteria, I figured the letter was a prayer answered. I had to finish my pre-requisites in two semesters, meaning I took A&P II and Pathophysiology in the summer. If I could make it through those classes, I knew I could make it through nursing school. I’m still experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress from that summer.
Orientation was fantastic. I know we were supposed to be terrified, but I found it exciting and exhilarating. I was there; I was actually starting nursing school. I was bubbling up with emotions and some fears, but fears of the unknown, fears of not being good enough, but nothing at orientation indicated I was in the wrong place. The main lesson from that day is the nursing program owned us for the next two years. It spurred me to have a long talk with the husband about how our lives were going to change, how he needed to take a more active role in the daily lives of our children. My husband is a fantastic guy, he didn’t even blink an eye; we were going to make this happen together, as a team.
The schoolwork has been challenging. At times, I have questioned my intellectual ability to do this work. Here is where I get terrified. What if I kill someone, or make someone worse? It’s a daunting thought, especially because I’m doing this to help make people well, or at least make their journey less painful. I’m not sure how to overcome this hurdle. Most likely, I just need more practice and more learning. In small doses it can be very motivating to keep on top of things, but for now, it’s something I need to address. I have found that I’m a wee bit more competitive than I assumed. Competing in this program is no easy matter, there are some very talented, smart people in these classes and to even be in their midst and considered an equal of some of these people is a blessing. I’m learning to be okay with not being the best at all things and just knowing I studied and did well enough.
The clincals have been a great experience. I’m learning how the hospital functions, caring for actual patients and getting over the hurdle of trying a procedure for the first time on a real person and realizing it’s not as terrifying and impossible as it sounds. This is another hurdle I need to pass in my own personality. I get so scared of trying something new; it can paralyze me from continuing on. I’m learning to just do it, because once I do, it makes me realize that I can. I remember thinking that giving an IM injection seems easy enough, but when I saw the skin and realized I was about to poke it with a needle, I froze. With some prompting from my fellow classmates I stuck the needle in, took it out, capped it and was done…then I breathed. I’m learning that I can talk to so many different types of people. The sick just want to be heard and have some control over their lives. On the flip side, there are times when they have no control or very little control and that can be terrifying to them. I’m learning how to talk to patients, not only to put them at ease but to also ‘encourage’ them to do things that are in their best interest but not something they may like (for instance an enema). I’m also learning, I can’t share some of the details of my day over the dinner table (again, for instance, the enema). I’m learning to be comfortable with body parts, smells, and bodily fluids. I’m still not sure about puss, but so far have been able to deal with everything else.
There has been nothing yet that has made me think I’ve made the wrong decision. This past Thanksgiving my husband’s cousin, a nurse in the ICU and I swapped stories, people would wander over and quickly leave during more of the graphic stories, we barely noticed. She gave me advice, she listened, and she told me about her job and her school experiences. I felt part of the ‘club’. My children rarely complain about day care, they ask about what I’ve learned; they’re curious and supportive (in an eight and five year old way). My husband is proud of me and supportive and has enjoyed taking on a more active role in parenting (still doesn’t cook or clean a lot, but there’s a learning curve there too). All in all, my journey so far has been great. I’m learning so much about myself, my family, my husband as well as nursing. I am so blessed to have finally found a career choice that is suited to me personally as well as to my role in my family.

My family, why I’m doing this.

Sunday, November 25, 2007


Enchanted was such a cute movie...but what was youngest, Isaac, crawled into Jason's lap during a fabulous costume ball dance scene where the hero and heroine were looking longingly into each other's eyes and said..."Dad, is that how you feel about mom?"Jason answered yes and Isaac sighed and said, "That's nice".

We had a fun weekend of family, tree-cutting (pictures to follow another time), decorating for the holidays, movies, friends over for dinner....but now I have a paper due tomorrow and two full days of clinicals.....I'm not ready for reality to rear her ugly head....I was having a fun time in denial.

Such is life.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

We have the best conversations in the car sometimes...

Jake: How old to I have to be to start dating? (out of the blue and way too scary to even think about)
me: about 35
Jason: after you're married


Jason: oh, that didn't come out right.
me: ya, think?

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Doing What's Right

I got an email forward about Sears and how they are helping out their military reservists in their employ by paying the difference in their salaries at Sears and their salaries while on active duty. The story was verified in Snopes (one of my favorite websites).

Bravo Sears. Thank you for doing the right thing. It's a warm-hearted story when you hear about a company that takes care of their own -- our own.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I am thankful

I'm thankful that I got to volunteer in Isaac's class yesterday. They had a round about what the kiddos are thankful for and there were lots of toys, food, the Mountains, etc, and Isaac pops up his hand and says "I'm thankful for my Mom and Dad"

Love that kid!

I am so thankful for both my fantastically beautiful, funny, rambunctious kiddos. They are my heart!

I am thankful for my great, loving, wonderful husband....he is the BEST (and cute too).

I am thankful that my sister in law and brother in law are cooking Thanksgiving dinner and I just have bring the sweet potatoes and beans.

I am thankful to live in a great neighborhood where I've met and become friends with the most amazing women and families.

I am thankful to live in a country with amazing freedoms and opportunities.

I am thankful!


Sunday, November 11, 2007

wii is out of the bag

At lunch today...

The kids are rambling on and on about what they want for Christmas and the Wii thing comes up over and over and over again. They are absolutely CERTAIN Santa will bring them one. Frankly, in their young lives, Santa has been great at fulfilling a couple of their big wishes (see last Christmas time postings of me paying double the price for a spy car on EBAY). Hubby tells the kids not to get too excited about a Wii since we really don't know if Santa will bring us one or not. The kiddos aren't listening (or so I thought...I'll get to this later).

So I say to Jason:

M: Oh, I think Mrs. Santa may have already gotten one.
J: Shouldn't Mrs. Santa have talked to Mr. Santa first?
M: One of Santa's elves (Ms. Martha) found an awesome deal and got it for Mrs. Santa (we don't want a wait 'til the last minute and pay double on EBAY repeat)
J: Mrs. Santa's kinda turnin' me on right now

and that's when Jake yells: "Dad, that is so gross"

I have no idea how much he heard or what he understood about the Wii, but he will probably need therapy regarding the last comment...

On the other side of the money year we had a very lean, lean year(paying two mortgages and a super large pay cut) and I read an article about getting the kids sugar cereal for Christmas...what a great cheap idea, especially because that's a serious treat in our household. Each get a box of lucky charms and coco puffs from Santa...they will even stop opening presents to get a bowl down before opening more. Sounds so hokey, but they LOVE it, and yay for me a total cheap present! About this time of the year when we walk down the cereal aisle, the kids will look at all the cereals and try and decide which one to put on their list....

I get the strangest looks from the other grocery store patrons.

I am so NOT ready for Christmas.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Pictures, halloween and other stuff

Death, Annikan Sky-Walker (OK, probably misspelled his name..not too worried about it, but if I offended at Star Wars fans out there, I'm sorry) Our very own 'watch' can't see it but it's a clock on her back...and my favorite...the Enron Exec (he has a tie on underneath and he carried a brief case which was filled with candy, how cute that our neighborhood families give candy to adults dressed up as well as the kids) I'm not pictured (big freakin surprise) but I wore my scrubs, a lab coat and a witch's hat...I was a WITCH DOCTOR...get it, get one else did and I thought it was so obvious!

Hannah playing with the kiddos
Sleep over with cousin Bridget, They bring cushions from the living room, blankets from the bedrooms and fill the family room with them and make one big bed and watch movies all night.
And this is why I sometimes can't sleep when hubby is away. The boys will 'snuggle' and then we all end up falling asleep and somehow they both end up with their feet in MY ribs. They're too heavy now for me to get them into their own beds so I end up on the couch.
Nothing to do with pictures: The other day I was in the car with the kiddos and that song by Colbie Caillat, "Bubbly" came on the radio and I told Jake to be quiet because I like the song, it reminds me of his he listens for awhile and says, "oh she says, 'child' and dad acts like a child--that must be why it reminds you of him"
hahahahaha, that kid makes me laugh
here are the lyrics in case you haven't heard the song....and frankly, how lucky am I that my hubby of 15.5 years (together for 22 years) can still make me feel this way:
V1: I've been awake for a while nowyou've got me feelin like a child nowcause every time i see your bubbly facei get the tinglies in a silly place
C: It starts in my toesmakes me crinkle my nosewhere ever it goes i always knowthat you make me smile please stay for a while nowjust take your time where ever you go
V2: The rain is fallin on my window panebut we are hidin in a safer placeunder the covers stayin dry and warmyou give me feelins that i adore
C: It starts in my toesmakes me crinkle my nosewhere ever it goesi always knowthat you make me smile please stay for a while nowjust take your time where ever you go
B: What am i gonna saywhen you make me feel this wayI just........mmmmmmmmmmm
C: It starts in my toesmakes me crinkle my nosewhere ever it goesi always knowthat you make me smile please stay for a while nowjust take your time where ever you go
V3: I’ve been asleep for a while nowYou tucked me in just like a child nowCause every time you hold me in your armsIm comfortable enough to feel your warmth
C: It starts in my soulAnd I lose all control When you kiss my noseThe feelin showsCause you make me smileBaby just take your timeHoldin me tightWhere ever, where ever, where ever you goWhere ever, where ever, where ever you go…

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Oh And thanks Ms Marfa

Yup, a same day posting even...
I just want to say, I live in the greatest neighborhood with the greatest sister-wives. I put an email out there that if anyone saw a Wii for a great price to buy it for my Christmas Stash (hubby doesn't read my blog so this is safe to post...and bad hubby by the way!) and Ms. Marfa (ok, Martha, but son #2 calls her Marfa) found one and called and brought it right over! Which is wonderful because I was shopped out (didn't actually know that could happen) after spending three hours at Home Depot. Did I mention we're remodeling our bathroom? We're doing most of it ourselves...hahaha, Ourselves? more like hubby is doing it most of himself). Mostly, because we're too cheap (OK, not we're, but he's too cheap)to hire it all out and frankly, we want a nice bathroom without overpricing our neighborhood....I hate it when we're practical and he's right.

Stop me before I continue rambling....It wasn't supposed to be about my cheap, handy husband and our remodel but what a great sister-wife Ms. Marfa is and how I lucked out to move into a great neighborhood!

Blogging Again?

I guess I'm on a blogging binge... and I didn't even agree to this whole nablopomo challenge I'm seeing on other people's blogs. Maybe I should? Maybe not, because as soon as I think someone, even myself, is telling me what to do, I stop doing it. I'm quirky like that.

This is why insomnia can be expensive. I've stopped keeping my credit card at the bedside table because at two in the morning, the idea of freshly grown herbs, lettuce and tomatoes in the middle of winter is too much to overcome! I should also remove my phone from the bedroom...but not the TV, it keeps me company when the hubby travels (which is why it's on at 2am. I can't hear house-sounds when the TV is on--yeah yeah, I'm a 'fraidy cat).

So here's what really excited me last night (and I KNOW I need a life). I hid pureed cauliflower into tomato soup. I saw Jessica Seinfeld on Oprah the other day and have been making an effort to get more veggies in our diets (my kids are actually pretty good at veggie eating, but hey, it's not going to hurt to get an extra helping). Because, I don't like people telling me what to do and that, sometimes, involves following a recipe, I've been doing my own thing. So far, I've put sweet potatoes into sloppy joes, cauliflower into boxed mac and cheese, spinach into chicken burritos (oh and sweet potatoes into the sauce). I've been having way too much fun! My niece is now asking what 'secret' ingredient I'm putting into my dishes. My own children are not quite as impressed with my amazing culinary creativity.

Another bad mom moment, I was helping son number one with his spelling words (2nd grade) I misspelled one of his words and taught him the wrong spelling....oooops, another dollar in the therapy fund.

This week of only one NCLEX review test, one math class and no clinicals has made me realize, I miss being a housewife and mom --- not that I'm not enjoying nursing school --- I'm just torn between both worlds because I love them both.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Conversations with the Kiddos

son #2: I'm going to marry Abi and we're only going to have one or two kids (in response to son #1 saying he wanted a million kids).
me: Well, don't you think Abi might have something to say about that? (son #2 has a way of declaring his love and insistence of return love and I'm trying to avoid a stalking charge later in his future).
son #2: Mom, we love each other.
Hubby: You haven't even been on a date with her.
son #2: (eyes rolling) Dad, we've been on a million PLAY DATES.

ok then.

And the same car ride....

Son #1: When you guys die we want to live with Colleen
Me: Why not Aunt Shaina and Uncle Glenn, or Ya Ya
Son #1: nah
Me: Ok, what about Uncle Jose and Aunt Gina?
Son #1: Oh, do they have a trampoline?
Me: No, they don't have kids yet.
Son #1: Then no, I want to live with Colleen, she has a trampoline.
Me: Glad you've put a lot of thought into this.
Son #1: heh heh

Yesterday I took a standardized test on fundamentals, a precursor to the NCLEX and I did horribly. That just sucked big time! I hate standardized tests! It was a good kick in the rear though. I think because I was doing pretty well in class I started slacking a bit...time to push forward and kick it up a notch! After we remodel our bathroom, that is....

Hubby is in DC (oh, sorry G&J, he's working like 12 hour days and so decided not to call to tell you he was in's not because you don't have a trampoline) and I can't figure out how to hook the camera up to the will have to procrastinate posting Halloween pictures, yet again.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Who are you voting for?

I really don't care who you are voting for. I live here in the burbs, chances are I'm not voting the same as most people here and I still get along with my highly conservative neighbors and fellow church goers....we have spirited, eye-opening and respectful debates about issues. I'm even in a 'mixed' marriage. When asked, he says, "I'm a republican and my wife is just wrong". OK, he makes me laugh even when he's dissing me (is that how you spell it, I'm so bad at gangsta rap).

That aside, I thought this LINK , to take a quiz to find out which candidate is the best fit for you, might be interesting. It was an eye opener for me. I actually haven't heard of the candidate I should choose. Which basically means that chances are the way I WANT THE COUNTRY RUN isn't going to happen until we most likely get a mom and housewife in who can balance the check book AND get the kids to get along (oh oops, tangent). While I was taking the quiz I actually got scared that I might see more eye to eye with my neighbors, fellow church goers and hubby. But true to my form, the majority of issues I saw eye to eye with where the more conservative donkeys and the less conservative elephants. Which leads me to re-solidify my position that we should just start a new party called "The Common Sense" party.
OK, my, very fence-sitting, middle of the road, don't want to make anyone mad, rant about politics is now over. Happy End of Day Light Saving everyone! An extra hour...woo hoo. What are you all doing with it? I'm apparently blogging. Did you know it's Saving, not savingS. I didn't. If you're looking for something to do check out this right/left brain test. I am so right brain and hubby soooo left brain, anyone surprised?

And by the way, I know I ended a few sentences in prepositions...but really who says, "For whom are you voting?"

Saturday, November 03, 2007

flu shot anyone?

This is an email forward I got from my cousin in Naples, Fl. I thought it was pretty darn funny so added it here in case any of you needed a laugh.

I gave about 100 flu shots today. After my first initial, 'Holy Cow, I'm about to stick someone with a needle" I had a great time. Following is a conversation with one of the patients:

Patient: Great Job, I hardly felt it.
Me: (glowing....) I guess this is a good time to tell you I'm a student.
Patient: Yeah, and I guess this is a good time to tell you I'm a nurse.

hahahaha, I would have been so scared if she had mentioned she was a nurse before the shot! But a compliment from a nurse about a shot on your first day...not bad!

Did not have one unhappy person today, it was fantastic. Oh and even got a little strip show by a very over eager well built (I might add) guy. It's funny how some people hear rip off your clothes when you actually say, pull up your sleeve -- go figure.

Friday, November 02, 2007

6th Truths

OK, I've been tagged by Ms. Martha

Here's the plan for this type of tag: A. Each player lists 6 facts/habits about themselves. B. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. C. At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names (OK, I'm not going to do this because no one ever does my meme's...whine whine whine)

1. I'm competitive....I actually did not know this about myself until recently because I always thought it a bit negative. Here's the deal, I am so happy for those who do better then I do (especially if I like them). I just want to do well for myself and I want to be comparatively high on the whole grade thing in school....whatever, it's just who I am.

2. If I had to do it all over again, I'd be an interior designer and would so have tried out for Design Star

3. Even though I should have done the whole other career thing before and really, designing rooms and stuff is my first love, I am loving nursing school and I do believe I will be a good nurse.

4. I ADORE my husband and children. Even when I'm mad at my hubby I know he is the only man out there for me. I really do think my children are amazing even when or maybe particularly when they are messy, dirty, talking back and wrestling...they're just great!

5. I am addicted to television. Are there any 12 step programs for that? It's what keeps me from getting tevo.

6. I HATE CLEANING THE HOUSE. I want a maid. I will eventually get one, but my house is in between fixer-upper and demolition mode and it's hard to know what to even ask someone to clean.

OK....if you like this tag and plan on doing it, just let me know so I can read it!

and a note on real life...
finished fundamentals (most likely a B----booo hooo, see number one above), pharmacology an A (woo hoo---again, see number 1 above). And a thank you to Ms. Martha for putting things in perspective. I was able to get a B in a really hard class and still be a mom (soccer practice, some volunteering in the school, a couple of play dates), a wife and a friend.

Halloween shenanigans to follow in a couple hours? few days?