Closed?

Jason and I have this thing where we end up going places that are closed. When we took the family to South Dakota it was about a week too late and except for Mt. Rushmore everything else was closed. When we went to Madrid some of the places we really wanted to see were closed (note, if you go to Madrid, almost everything is closed Sunday and Monday). We still had good times, we ended up taking a tour to Toledo and loved it! Two nights ago we started our weekend getaway with a massage, dinner and then a nice night time drive to the Springs. Saturday morning we wake up and decide to go to the art museum (something we could do with out the kids more enjoyably) which is about 1/2 a mile away (from the hotel) walking along a street with some great old houses in craftsman and Victorian styles. We get there and it's closed (nothing on the website indicating that it was closed by the way). We just had to laugh, our luck. So we went shopping. We found a specialty shoe shop and I got some Dainskos which I keep reading is pretty essential for nursing (or any job where you are on your feet a lot), Jason picked up some hiking sandals. We checked out some neat antique shops with some northern European antiques....wow, wish I had a few extra dollars to spend there! We ate lunch at the hole in the wall Persian place, best hummus ever. They spiced it with something called sumac, I think they may have roasted their garlic too before mixing it in the hummus. We came back and took a THREE HOUR NAP. Dinner at this great German Place Edelweiss lots of rustic charm and live polka music. OK, about to get politically incorrect here....Jason's last name is Zimmer, German for room. So when we made the reservation the lady, in her German accent told Jason, 'oooh, nice German name'. When he got off the phone he said maybe we'll get a discount. I replied, "doubtful, their people burned your people" He did laugh (we're warped I KNOW) and replied "well I'll just get them back by being rude" (which is impossible for Jason to do!). But really the food was great, and the people there very hospitable!
Then we came back to the hotel, drank some wine, 7 Deadly Zins, (not bad and I'm not a fan of reds, the sweeter the better for me, which makes me so NOT a wine person) sat in the hot tub awhile and fell asleep again.

A weekend away with two stressed out people apparently involves a lot of sleep....and that's okay!

Fifteen Years Already?

Our anniversary is on the 29th and so we're going away this weekend......woo hoo. We're just headed off to Colorado Springs for some R&R, at this point I don't even care if we 'hole up' in the hotel room and rent movies the whole time; it'll just be nice spending some alone time with hubby.

Jake's been having bad stomach aches and the doctor put him on some Prevacid to see if that helps. I feel really bad, poor kid was doubled over in pain a couple nights ago and I felt so helpless. When he was feeling better I asked him if he felt different recently, if there was something that was making him sad or stressed out. He told me that I stressed him out....HOLY COW..... So I asked what he meant, bracing myself for something horrible and he says, 'Sometimes I want ice cream and you say no' (and he was serious).

pause
hahahahahaha

I told him to go ahead and tell the doctor that

Oh and Isaac....isn't four a great age, we were walking home from the park and he stepped on a roly poly and he said 'mom, I killed a holy moly' hahahha.

ok, can you tell how easily amused by my children I am.....

Spring

I mentioned how in my love/hate post that I just love my front yard in the Spring...thought I'd show you why (Martha you were right, it was the perfect light to take the photos).

Whose Kid is That Anyway

Look how sweet he looks, how could he be so devilish??????
What a goofball!

It was a full day yesterday. Jake stayed home sick, stomach issues. Took Jason to the airport the little ones to preschool, Jake then to the doctor. Turns out he has acid reflux, sheesh, he's only seven. Then went to the soccer league office and signed them both up for soccer. Where they date and stamped my application, wanted the boys birth certificates and some hefty size checks...who knew soccer was such a big deal. As I left the office I overheard two women talking about coaches and whose team was better and what position their kids played etc. Am I cut out to be a soccer mom? yikes. So then go pick up the other kiddos at school. Since Jake wasn't sick sick took him to baseball, then got the kids hair cut, went to Anthony's Pizza....and here's where it gets interesting.

I'm putting together the box for our left over pizza, Jake, the waitress and I are all right there. I feel Isaac climbing on the chair behind me, I assume to pounce on me and demand a piggy back ride so I don't pay much attention to him and concentrate on the box (my bad) all of the sudden there's this weird alarm sound and flashing lights...ISAAC SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM. The girls behind the counter call 911 to tell them it's a false alarm but the firemen have to come anyway and they asked that we stay there too. So the firemen come bringing axes and the rest of the gear (the boys were in awe). They don't have the right key for the fire alarm box and so we stay out there another 10 minutes or so until they get it all off. They they ask who did it, we all point to Isaac (I might add that Jake was the most gleeful about pointing out it was his brother). Isaac puts on his most pitiful face (and he's quite good at that) and the older fireman there tells him the importance of not doing things like that and if anything looks quite that good and fun to play with he should ask his family first. When he's done, Isaac asks if he's going to go to jail. A couple of the other firemen and some of the kitchen staff who were outside for a bit had to turn their heads to keep from laughing.

Oh my, the things they DON'T tell you about the joys of being a mom.

blog challenge love/hate

love/hate with the 5 senses

LOVE:
the SIGHT of my front garden and porch in the spring with everything blooming.
the SMELL of hazelnut coffee brewing in the morning.
the TASTE Anthony's cheese pizza with an extra dash of garlic powder.
the SOUND of the waves hitting the rocks on the Pacific Coast or a full rushing creek in the Rocky Mountains
the FEEL of a cool brisk mornings in the Fall, just before it gets really cold.

HATE:
the SIGHT of someone in pain, emotionally or physically
the SMELL of swampy standing water....GAG, ick
the TASTE of my mouth when I have a really bad cold....again, GAG
the SOUND of someone yelling at the kids, not in the regular 'I've just had it' but those deep hurtful life altering things.
the FEEL of losing my temper with the children and seeing their little perplexed faces!

Lindsey needs another birthday party

Uh-oh, Hannah had Isaac's favorite teddy bear, Junie, for a mid morning snack yesterday.

Poor Junie has no eyes or ears anymore. Isaac made him at a Build a Bear birthday party last March (Lindsey's birthday party). Given how upset he was I kept myself from saying, "And that's why you don't leave your stuffed animals in the Family room" Pat on back for good mother moment.

Not sure you can see the big crocodile tear here. He was so upset at one point, in Isaac drama fashion, he started shaking Junie, yelling, "Speak to me. Speak to me" I thought he might throw the bear down and start preforming chest compressions.

Abi, wanting to make things better declares, "Well, Lindsey just needs a new birthday party"

All is forgiven

Volunteer Nazis

Busy busy day yesterday and I was feeling like crappola, a couple decades of not sleeping well will do that to you. Got Jake to baseball practice, he's doing great and more importantly he has fun doing it and likes the guys on his team and the coach. I like the moms on the team --even better! Jason got off work early to watch and I ran to the grocery store. I actually COOKED dinner last night-- chicken curry, Jason's favorite. Because of baseball and running to the grocery store, then the sporting good store, dinner was a bit later then usual, 7ish --so I can't quite blame THEM for calling at dinner time, because it wasn't really dinner time, I guess.

So I get this call:
Volunteer Nazi (VN): I have a huge favor to ask of you!
ME: (after a silent prayer that someone wasn't going to ask me to do something) Ummm, what is it?
VN: Could you take over the community welcome baskets (I just got rid of those suckers two months ago!)
ME: No, (did you get that people, I actually said the word NO, how proud are you! save it though because I cave later) No, I can't I've got 8 credit hours this summer, I'm still watching Abi a couple days a week and we're going out of town twice this summer, not to mention, baseball for one and swimming for the other and I'm still volunteering at church and at the school (and I wonder why I have an exhaustion problem)
VN: But it's really easy, it'll hardly take any time at all. And you won't have to come to any social committee meetings.
ME: (wanting to say -- then why don't YOU do it)....sigh --- pause --- sigh, OK, how many are there a month.
VN: we're averaging one a month.
ME: sigh, (another silent prayer here that I can say no again) The classes I'm taking this summer are really hard.
VN: but this is really easy.
ME: Ok, fine (AHHHHHHHH-that's me screaming in my head) but I'm not going to do anything until September -- so don't put anything in the newsletter until then!
VN: Oh, I could kiss you (and if I was a lesbian that would be great, she is pretty, but I'm not and so the WASP side of waspina nature gave her a big ol' no thank you)

So, passive aggressive me will win out and I'm going to start doing those welcome baskets MY WAY.

I did get off easier then colleeno in that I wasn't called a LIAR. These people are relentless! Of course that may come from having such a small volunteer pool. So volunteer people, so I won't have to! --- of course those of you in the community that read this already volunteer, so I'm preaching to the choir.

Words

A new blog challenge (kind of like a meme) from Martha:

Words can be powerful. Think of an occasion when someone blessed you with their words. (Conversely, words can be powerfully hurtful, too. Write about one of those instances if you must, but try to think of a positive memory instead.) Describe the circumstances surrounding the words that were powerful to you. Who said it? How did you react? How does it affect you today.

Normally I would jump at the chance to write about something funny and entertaining. But I've been wrestling with words and their meaning a lot in the last week. Maybe because mother's day was so recent, maybe because of some conversations with different family members that recently happened, I don't know? But I've been thinking about the words I said to my mother, almost 18 years ago in a family therapy session and how those words have impacted her. I've been reevaluating the benefit of confronting those who have hurt you. Does it really do any good, can it do more harm? I'm not exactly feeling guilty. I wasn't intending to hurt I was just addressing my hurt. It was rehearsed and approved by the therapist. The therapeutic session was beneficial to me; I realized that my step-father argued with my mother about her decision to give up custody of us (always good to know that the "steps" aren't always evil) and my mother explained that it had nothing to do with me or my typical nine year old behavior (for the longest time I struggled with the idea I wasn't good enough, which pretty much landed me in the eating-disorder clinic where the therapy session happened). So this was all helpful to me, but what did it do to my mother? I think she convinced herself she made the best decision for all of us; she did have two new babies to take care of, a new marriage, a new business, a new town. I hated living in Miami and I missed my father in Denver. All of these things translated to her that she was making a sacrificial decision in my sister's and my behalf. It translated a bit differently to me. Did me exposing my hurt and feelings of abandonment make her question her decision? Question her ability to mother? Was it at that moment she began to wrestle with guilt that has slowly eaten away at her and has made her more of a shell of a person? Someone who doesn't laugh as much? Cry as much? Doesn't feel as much? Someone who is in a self-induced protected shell. Was this just the last straw in a series of painful moments in her life? Did what I say to her that day effect how she mothered my brothers from that point on (they would have been young teens at the time).

Words can be powerful. They can make you cry, they can produce patriotic fervor, they can make you laugh. But silence.......silence, the silence in the moment before you speak the words, the moment when you think am I doing harm or good with these words? The silence when you choose NOT to say the words that could change a person's life for the worse. Silence before you say the words that are swarming in your head in the midst of anger. Silence can be so much more powerful.

this is AMAZING

We're walking home from school today and Isaac (he doesn't want to be called Zac anymore..boo hoo) says to me:

Mom, this is amazing (looks up into the sky) I'm only four years old and I can make clouds move with my eyes....look (squints at sky) See that one right there? (points to only floating wispy cloud in the sky) see it move? I'm making it move.

I need a picture of him looking into the sky pointing or something for the scrapbook.

I'm an idiot

I was talking to my sis-in-law and she asked if I realized that the whole Landover church thing was a joke...I HAD NO IDEA. I was sent only the letter (linked below), didn't see much else on the website because I thought it was serious and was so horrified I didn't want to stay on the website any longer...My Bad. I got back on to the home page and it's sort of like a religious Onion (a fun publication). So my 'shame on you' letter from a couple posts ago makes absolutely no sense! The sad thing is you hear about people who really think that people are deserving of God's wrath in that horrific way. My believing that made me realize: one, I probably am more naive then I'd like to believe and two, I'm also a bit more cynical about people then I thought...kind of oxymoronish, emphasis on moron...

I have so many things on my 'list' for the three weeks that I'm off before school starts again that I feel overwhelmed and as such have nothing done! I woke up at three in a panic and have managed to clean the kitchen! I'm going to try and get the first floor spic and span and the laundry finished today so that I can concentrate on the Herculean task of my study and gasp...going through the kids clothes and finding out what they've grown out of and what they need for the summer. Oh and putting chicken wire along the fence line, because cute, adorable Hannah is trying to dig her way out of the yard and into her 'boyfriend's' Chance's yard. Chance's parents not to happy because Chance is not a digger. Not one of our prouder doggie parent moments. The trainer did tell us if we put chicken wire down, she won't dig in those spots and she suggested that we make her a digging spot, so that's on the list for this weekend.

Of course, to make this all harder, Jason's under some serious pressure at work and has been working late and is going out of town in a couple of weeks --DC, oh maybe he can visit my brother and sis in law (not same sis in law mentioned above).

There you go a boring post about how stressed, naive and cynical I am. Aren't you glad you stopped by.
Next post, pictures.

i'm obsessing!

ok, I've re-added (for the fourth time) and I'm at 88% NOT 89% and now won't feel so bad about missing that A by only .003 of a percentage point. It's a good healthy grade for a hard class.

Really I'm done, totally, I know you don't believe me, but now I have TWO whole new classes to obsess about!

Are you kidding me!

Here's my final score .897....003 points away from an A.
I so hope she rounds up!

Letters....

My blog assignment from Martha is to write open ended letters. It's an awesome cathartic thing to do, I had so much fun and encourage some of you out there in blogland to do it too.

Dear Hubster,
I know you think I'm crazy, but I really wish you would be irritated right along side me when the 'culdesac living, poodle owning, nosy, has the perfect daughter' neighbor says something stupid!

*conversation with hubby a couple days ago about newest irritating incident:

Me (M): Doesn't she just bug you?
Hubster (H): No
M: why not
H: I just don't let her get to me
M: Even if she snorted in disgust at you?
H: You snort in disgust at me all the time.
M: (sigh) I really wish she would irritate you like she does me.
H: (laughs) would you listen to yourself


Dear Alpha moms,
Take a Valium! You make it stressful for the rest of us when we don't live up to your volunteer expectations. Sending a 'crisp' email hours before a function about what still needs to be done makes me crazy. If I wanted someone to bark orders at me like that I'd go back to work as a paralegal and work for an ass of an attorney and get paid for it. I'm not going to take that punishment for FREE. So puh-lease, before I drop out of the Hospitality Committee get a prescription for Xanax or Valium or something calming. THIS SHOULD BE FUN! And the other alphas --- THIS IS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, stop freaking out about scores, RECESS is GOOD the children do NOT need to be locked up and drilled for hours. And NO, I'm not a bad mother when I don't force my child to do math sheets daily. They will most likely still get into college -- I did.


Dear School Gods,
Why does the fall semester start THAT Monday? We will either have to leave brother dearest's wedding early and drive a few hours Saturday night or drive Seattle to Denver on Sunday (approx 1000 miles). And thank you for getting me through this semester. Hope you'll still be around for the horrendous summer semester coming up -- Patho and A&P2--Holy Cow!

Dear neighborhood mommies,
I just heart you guys! You're the best, you get me through the day, it's so wonderful relaxing with you over coffee. Thanks for listening, thanks for talking, thanks for just being friends!

What the heck should I make for dinner?

Tomorrow is my final in microbiology. I am so relieved that I'm wandering around the house in a haze. My last few grades have been good (two even perfect scores, woo hoo) but even with that I'm still at a B, a high B but still a B. I'm convinced it's the lowest score in the class, don't ask me why; I'm sure the answer would most likely entail years of Freudian type therapy and I'm just not interested right now. I calculated what I would need to finish with an A and even if I got perfect scores on my final and last assignment I would still be off by 1.3 points. Sooo, I'm just going to relax, because frankly I'd rather not kill myself studying and just be happy with a B. It's part of my relax and don't try and be perfect mentality.

I came upon a realization about Isaac. I've been tossing around the idea of starting him in Kindergarten or not. He's technically old enough but would be one of the youngest. I had to make the same decision with Jake, but given where he was in letters and numbers and just plain interest it was an easy decision. Isaac, not so much, he's right up there in that department with the other kids and most likely would do okay. I finally decided to put him in a pre-k program that's more involved then preschool but not as 'cut throat' (and no, I'm actually NOT being sarcastic) as kindergarten. And even though I really think I have made the right decision, I have a niggling feeling I may be wrong. Then I realized it. It's okay for him to be a child. I really wasn't give that luxury myself and part of me choosing to start the boys a bit later gives them one more year of playing and not worrying about tests, grades, sitting still, listening, and enjoying life one year longer.

On the other side of their 13 years of school, I hope they take a year off, and travel the country, see Europe, play a bit before the rigors of college. I don't want them to feel that success is only measured in money and power. If they have that, great, especially if they want that. I want them to know how to enjoy life, enjoy the process of life, not just look toward a goal and miss the journey. I want them to have what Jason and I did not. I remember when Jason got one of his first jobs out of college and rather than congratulations his mother asked when he was going to be CEO. My father would 'regrade' my A papers and deem them unworthy of an A (ok, so maybe I wouldn't need YEARS of Freudian therapy, there's a red flag right there). With the wisdom of age I understand this was the way our parents felt like they could motivate us it really wasn't intended to deflate our self worth.

I want what every mom wants, I want them to be happy. Who knows, they may need therapy because I didn't push them hard enough.

Now, what to make for dinner? I have no idea, it may be a rotisserie chicken kind of night. Whatever it is, I will enjoy the time we sit together as a family and regale each other with the adventures of the day.