Tomorrow is my final in microbiology. I am so relieved that I'm wandering around the house in a haze. My last few grades have been good (two even perfect scores, woo hoo) but even with that I'm still at a B, a high B but still a B. I'm convinced it's the lowest score in the class, don't ask me why; I'm sure the answer would most likely entail years of Freudian type therapy and I'm just not interested right now. I calculated what I would need to finish with an A and even if I got perfect scores on my final and last assignment I would still be off by 1.3 points. Sooo, I'm just going to relax, because frankly I'd rather not kill myself studying and just be happy with a B. It's part of my relax and don't try and be perfect mentality.
I came upon a realization about Isaac. I've been tossing around the idea of starting him in Kindergarten or not. He's technically old enough but would be one of the youngest. I had to make the same decision with Jake, but given where he was in letters and numbers and just plain interest it was an easy decision. Isaac, not so much, he's right up there in that department with the other kids and most likely would do okay. I finally decided to put him in a pre-k program that's more involved then preschool but not as 'cut throat' (and no, I'm actually NOT being sarcastic) as kindergarten. And even though I really think I have made the right decision, I have a niggling feeling I may be wrong. Then I realized it. It's okay for him to be a child. I really wasn't give that luxury myself and part of me choosing to start the boys a bit later gives them one more year of playing and not worrying about tests, grades, sitting still, listening, and enjoying life one year longer.
On the other side of their 13 years of school, I hope they take a year off, and travel the country, see Europe, play a bit before the rigors of college. I don't want them to feel that success is only measured in money and power. If they have that, great, especially if they want that. I want them to know how to enjoy life, enjoy the process of life, not just look toward a goal and miss the journey. I want them to have what Jason and I did not. I remember when Jason got one of his first jobs out of college and rather than congratulations his mother asked when he was going to be CEO. My father would 'regrade' my A papers and deem them unworthy of an A (ok, so maybe I wouldn't need YEARS of Freudian therapy, there's a red flag right there). With the wisdom of age I understand this was the way our parents felt like they could motivate us it really wasn't intended to deflate our self worth.
I want what every mom wants, I want them to be happy. Who knows, they may need therapy because I didn't push them hard enough.
Now, what to make for dinner? I have no idea, it may be a rotisserie chicken kind of night. Whatever it is, I will enjoy the time we sit together as a family and regale each other with the adventures of the day.