Thursday, October 09, 2008

Conversation with the school nurse

and I wish I was kidding:

Ring Ring
Me: Hello.
School Nurse: This is nurse blah blah, don't worry the kids are fine, I'm just calling about Jake's epi-pen.
Me: OK
School Nurse: I lock up the nurse's station at 3:30 when I go home and DayCare Guy has a key but he's worried about finding Jake's epi-pen during an emergency.
Me: OK, I'll bring an extra one for DayCare Guy.
School Nurse: Oh, Hold on there, you're two steps ahead of me. (what is this? An algebra test, where I have to show all my work?) What I was saying is that it's all locked up, it'll take too long in an emergency to get his epi-pen. (yeah, you just said that, why do you need to say it again?) And DayCare Guy and I were brainstorming about what to do about this situation. The teachers take epi-pens with them on field trips, so we thought maybe we could do something like that.
Me: Uh huh (because, really, I think maybe I'm not actually supposed to come up with a solution)
School Nurse: But then we thought maybe it might be better to have an extra epi-pen for the day care mobile. I know it's expensive (like I'm going to begrudge my child the 45$ for medication that could save his life). But we think it may be a good idea.
Me: So, do you want me to bring in an extra epi-pen?
School Nurse: Yes, don't you think that would be a good idea? (well yes, it's why I said that 5 minutes ago)
Me: Yes, it's no problem, I can do it later this week.
School Nurse: Well there you are jumping steps ahead again (are you freakin' kidding me!) Discuss this with your husband (Discuss it with husband? What? In case he objects to life-saving measures being put in place for his son?) And then decide (What exactly am I to decide here? Should Jake have --- let me say this again --life saving measures -- easily accessible to those who care for him --- hmmm not a hard decision---would any of you out there need a minute to decide this?)
Me: Ah, Okay. (OH MY GOSH, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO RETIRE LADY!)

So glad my kids are healthy.

Ms. Martha...seriously consider taking over....you would make the most awesomest school nurse and my kids love you!

13 comments:

Martha said...

No, you take the job!
I don't have enough patience to try and clean up the mess she's created through the years...

I'd say "Surely(Shirley?)you've got to be kidding"...but when it comes to Nurse NitWit....nothing NO nothing surprises me any longer...

*ps, I'd be chatting with Mr. B. and finding out what prompted this discussion. Did they have an emergency? curious minds want to know why this has finally made it to her radar of worry...

Chief Rock Chef said...

Oh my god! Is she really a school nurse? She sounds a bit dyspraxic (like my eldest daughter was), having to follow through the entire thought process and unable to take short cuts.

Is she actually capable of acting in an emergency?

I am really scared! Honestly!

Teresa said...

That would have irritated me too. I can't stand it when people, especially ones so far removed, act like you are not capable of making a decision...so they make it for you! Now, seriously TZ, make sure you talk that over with your husband now...how dare you, THE CHILD'S MOTHER, actually make a decision on your own now! And, hopefully, just hopfully, your husband will be okay with the extra life saving measures for HIS SON!! Wow...that would have been frusterating!! :)

Gina Grace said...

It's nice that she went into it thinking that this would be a financial burden- for many families, it would be. But Good gravy... I can't stand must-reach-consensus-before-making-decision type people!

Wouldn't it be fun to say hang up, then 2 minutes later call her back and say "Okay- I've spoken with my husband about this issue and here are our concerns.... (insert 15 minutes of dither here)...so ultimately, we've decided that we'd like to purchase an extra epi-pen. It was a difficult decision, but after weighing the pro's and con's, we feel it's the best possible solution.

Mrs. Kravitz said...

I can't tell you how much I laughed while reading this post!! I've definitely had more than my fair share of dealings with Nurse "S" and really, truly feel your pain here. So sorry for your frustration (but I really needed the laugh)! And, yes, I vote Martha for school nurse, too! MARTHA! MARTHA! :)

ganelle said...

All in favor of Nurse Martha, please show by a raise of hands.

Somehow I feel safer that my kids are now at a different school...

terri said...

I think she just wanted to prove to you that she had thought this through very thoroughly and she didn't want you to rain on her parade by guessing the correct answer before she got a chance to tell you how smart she is!

I hate school staff members like that. Then again, I just got home from school conferences and I have a chip on my shoulder.

Dodi said...

Wait!!! You're jumping ahead again... I was going to SUGGEST that you write this post before you actually did it. Wouldn't that be a good topic?

And? "What? In case he objects to life-saving measures being put in place for his son?" (Peeing my pants laughter from this line.)

Jedi Master Daryl said...

Hmmm... I bet she was fun in ACLS.

"The patient is turning blue."

Let's think about this. It's quite possible he just came out of a walk-in freezer, or ate WAY TOO MANY blueberries. Couldn't be that he's in cardiac arrest--that'd be way too obvious!

anymommy said...

Oh my gosh! I do not think I could have been nice in this conversation. You were incredibly patient.

Sitting in Silence said...

I'm not a fan of school nurses...in fact most of them drive me nuts...

Stumpy is our epi pen boy and I dread the school nurse, when he starts school....
We have a funky little store over here that sells special bags that they can wear under there clothes...the teachers carry the bags when they have a field trip or play in the playground. They also carry identification on the child that need them along with a photo...
I run about 4 in different places...xoxox

Ali said...

What.A.Tool.

Yep, it's time to retire.

Aimee said...

Been there, have the t-shirt, join the club!!

Remember when she didn't even know who Andrew was and he'd been there two years with an epi-pen.

Thankfully she'll be gone after this year!