I need to study, I have a test tonight and I'm so unmotivated, this class is unfairly hard especially for a 2 credit class. I don't know what to expect on the test. I've failed two tests and did well on two already and I can't find a pattern to my success or failure. I'm not alone in that, most of the class is grumbling. So instead of being motivated to do well, I feel at a loss right now. I hate that. I'm tired, I miss my family, my family misses me. I just want to clean and bake and do something creative and artsy.
ugggg, sigh, poor pathetic me....
okay on to my other boo hoo moment...
Ms. Martha, is the room mom for Jake's class. And she's been very supportive in letting me do things like just bring paper plates instead of some fun home baked contribution. A couple weeks before, I emailed her with my request so I wouldn't have to compete with any of the other moms with the easy peasy contribution. I got her the plates late Thursday night after a twelve hour clinical shift at the hospital. Meanwhile, Jake read the letter that he was supposed to bring plates and he, in a self-sufficient moment, got some paper plates out of the cupboard and brought them to class (which according to Ms. Martha saved the day because there was a lack of serving plates). Here's where I'm torn...I love that he took the initiative, he read the directions, he figured out what to do and he did it. But was it because he didn't have faith that his mom would do it? Is he feeling a burden of making up grown-up decisions because I'm not as available. Is nine too young for this type of independence? Am I just driving myself crazy over nothingness and just really feeling sad because he's growing up? Does anyone else drive themselves this crazy over something seemingly so benign?
It's these things that make parenting so hard for me...wondering if my decisions will help or hurt the boys emotionally. Hopefully when they grow up they'll know that they were loved.
well, okay, I'm going to take a hot shower and hope that I can get rid of this headache (oh yeah, another thing to whine about, I feel a bit illish) and hit the books!
oh, thanks for the suggestions....I went with buying a whole bunch of snacky foods and then a 10 dollar gift certificate to Wallymart, so if they feel the need, they can buy more food or she can get something fun for herself....About half the people brought a small gift for the birthday girl along with the contributions so it all felt very comfortable.