A little bit of this and a little bit of that.....

I know that Spring is officially here, but in Colorado it doesn't really feel like Spring until about the middle of May. I love these early bloomers which, at least, give me a glimpse at the future possibility of it.Because this is how I've been dressing for Jake's games.
Both the boys were sick today....not the earth-shattering plague that they both insisted it was, but more of a type of stomach ache that comes from eating too much Easter candy. I let them stay home anyway. It was fun, because every time they wanted to do something, I got to say, "oh, honey, that's not a good idea in your condition" and they would immediately clutch their stomachs and agree with me. They eventually caught on to what I was doing and it didn't work as well and my amusement for the day was shot. So I decided to organize. I've been getting inspiration from this fun blog.

The "Before" (like I had to inform you of that...it's pretty obvious this is a before).
and.....After (okay, I typed the Before, I'm too compulsive to not now type, After).
I keep wanting to go back every few minutes and look at it. I love it when things are organized! Speaking of....our basement project is coming along. Every couple days I've been bringing up a couple of boxes and going through them and getting rid of stuff. Today I found the match books we had printed up for our wedding. No one does that anymore and that color pink? I'm a little embarrassed (but it went so well with teal!). I can't believe Jason and I have been married almost 19 years!
So that was the "this", now for the "that".

I was thinking about our recent trip to the museum. I had a wonderful time, even if the eldest was doing his possible best to show me how torturous his life is. My younger son, who still has the sweetest voice, chubby cheeks and an easy smile, would periodically come up to me during our visit, slip his hand into mine and ask me to read to him the descriptions of each of the items in the exhibit.

I felt so blessed. It warmed my heart to see his interest, to see him unembarrassed to be with his mother and to genuinely want to be in my company.

You other moms have to know what I'm trying to explain, but am not eloquent enough to do so. It's that feeling where you want to pick up your "baby" right then and there and never let go of that moment. You can almost catch a whiff of that baby smell that in reality has disappeared and replaced by little boy smell, but the memory of the smell comes back to you in moments like these -- at least for me.

But can I just be happy with that? No....

Because....

I'm freaking INSANE.

I started wondering, did he do this, NOT because he was enjoying himself, but because I'm some freaky mother dearest and he was trying to please me so I don't go into a rage and beat him with a wire hanger? Not that I've done either...I admit, gasp, I may have had a temper tantrum or two or three, I might glare when they misbehave and speak ahem, scream loudly. I may expect a lot out of them and I do use guilt to my advantage -- rages and wire hangers, not so much. So I don't think that was his motivation....but now...now...ugh

Being a mom has it's ups and it's downs...for me the downs are usually of my own making in my own freaky head, those creepy thoughts that make me question every thing I do or say to the kids -- the doubts about my parenting that makes me wonder if I should start that therapy-fund, I joke about when I do something that is obviously wrong. Sigh, I need to stop over-analyzing or I will drive everyone crazy.

But thank goodness my 'baking' cabinet is organized.