Sunday, March 14, 2010

I guess I'm an anti-Mrs Robertson...

J's coach decided to have some pre-season practice and was able to get a high school baseball team to help the little league guys out. So the other moms and I were watching the bigger boys help out the smaller ones learn the ropes of baseball (the kids LOVED it!)....anyhoo this was part of our conversation.....

Me: (about one of the high school boys) Holy cow, look at his pants, they're so dirty!
J: They were sliding
Me: Oh....
Coach's Wife: Were you checking him out?
Me: OMG, no, I was thinking about the laundry his mother is going to have to do and why don't they just wear black pants?


Seriously, when did I stop checking guys out and start thinking about laundry?
Just sign me up for AARP now!

Friday, March 05, 2010

It's time for a letter

Dear Homeless Guy,

I appreciate that we are in an economic down turn right now and things are tight and that might be the reason you and your friends were on the corner of Speer and 8th with your homemade signs and bottles wrapped in paper bags. I was on my way to work, rushing between two hospitals (where, by the way, one of your buddies tried to pee on me when I was taking care of him) and that's why I was eating in my car, so yes I did avert my eyes because I felt horribly guilty as you rubbed your tummy in the universal "I'm hungry" sign as you waved your sign angrily at me. I'm so happy you got a laugh from your cohorts....which makes me wonder why you bought that bottle of whatever that you so cleverly hid in that brown bag instead of buying some food if you were so damn hungry. I digress -- I really do feel the plight of those who have lost their jobs and are losing their homes and do think something should be done about that (and have and will continue to donate to worthy causes that help those in need), but when I see you and your brethren (fellow homeless guys, in case you're going to blame FREE public education for your current plight) drinkin', laughin' and hangin' out makes me (almost) want to become Republican.

In the future, I'd appreciate it if you didn't yell, "Bitch" at me when I choose not to give you my last dollar. I need that dollar to buy the tar they call coffee at the hospital so that I can stay awake until midnight to take care of people, some of them who may very well be you or your asshole friends who thought it was so funny of you to call me names....while on may way to WORK (look the word up, you have plenty of copious free time!).