and I wish I was kidding:
School Nurse: This is nurse blah blah, don't worry the kids are fine, I'm just calling about Jake's epi-pen.
School Nurse: I lock up the nurse's station at 3:30 when I go home and DayCare Guy has a key but he's worried about finding Jake's epi-pen during an emergency.
Me: OK, I'll bring an extra one for DayCare Guy.
School Nurse: Oh, Hold on there, you're two steps ahead of me. (what is this? An algebra test, where I have to show all my work?) What I was saying is that it's all locked up, it'll take too long in an emergency to get his epi-pen. (yeah, you just said that, why do you need to say it again?) And DayCare Guy and I were brainstorming about what to do about this situation. The teachers take epi-pens with them on field trips, so we thought maybe we could do something like that.
Me: Uh huh (because, really, I think maybe I'm not actually supposed to come up with a solution)
School Nurse: But then we thought maybe it might be better to have an extra epi-pen for the day care mobile. I know it's expensive (like I'm going to begrudge my child the 45$ for medication that could save his life). But we think it may be a good idea.
Me: So, do you want me to bring in an extra epi-pen?
School Nurse: Yes, don't you think that would be a good idea? (well yes, it's why I said that 5 minutes ago)
Me: Yes, it's no problem, I can do it later this week.
School Nurse: Well there you are jumping steps ahead again (are you freakin' kidding me!) Discuss this with your husband (Discuss it with husband? What? In case he objects to life-saving measures being put in place for his son?) And then decide (What exactly am I to decide here? Should Jake have --- let me say this again --life saving measures -- easily accessible to those who care for him --- hmmm not a hard decision---would any of you out there need a minute to decide this?)
Me: Ah, Okay. (OH MY GOSH, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO RETIRE LADY!)
So glad my kids are healthy.
Ms. Martha...seriously consider taking over....you would make the most awesomest school nurse and my kids love you!